They Were Right

When people say healing isn’t linear, they mean that personal growth does not happen in a straight line from “unhealed” to “healed”.

They were right..

And that sucks.

It sucks because growth requires work, doing something hard, dealing with some sort of disruption.

It’s like hiking at a slow constant incline, while rolling boulders out of your path.

On the journey, we get tired. …tired from all the hard. And the tired feels sooo personal.

I honestly thought the hardest part of learning to “love myself” would be overcoming issues with vulnerability to ask for what I needed.

To stop pretending I was fine.

To stop saying, "It's okay," when it wasn't.

To let someone see that I needed reassurance. (the cringe I feel in my body admitting that even now)

For so many of us, asking feels incredibly vulnerable. INCREDIBLY VULNERABLE.

So when I finally learned to say, "I need this," I thought I'd done the hardest part.

Yay for me…I did it…I was healed. LOL.

I was wrong.

The hardest part came when I asked... and the answer was no.

Not because hearing "no" is the problem.

The problem is the story we can tell ourselves afterward.

Maybe I matter less than I thought.

Maybe I should just stop asking.

I've realized that this is where self-love is really tested.

Can I hear "no" without making it mean something about my worth?

Can I remember that someone else's response reflects where they are, not who I am?

Can I keep believing my needs matter, even if this person can't meet them?

Because the goal isn't to get someone else to say yes.

The goal is to stop abandoning ourselves every time someone else says no.

Our needs don't become less valid because someone else doesn't have the capacity, willingness, or ability to meet them.

Sometimes the most healing thing we can do is ask anyway... and if the answer is no, choose not to let that answer become the way we see ourselves.

Imagine asking for water. If you ask for water, and the answer is no, would you stay at the point and thirst? Or keep going, keep moving boulders, until you find a spring?

Hydrate sis.