Self-attunement

Here are some everyday examples of unconscious conditioning-patterns we often don't realize are driving our thoughts, emotions, and behavior:

• People-pleasing: Automatically saying "yes" to requests because you learned as a child that approval equals safety.

• Conflict avoidance: Shutting down or changing the subject any time tension arises because past experiences taught you that conflict is dangerous.

• Overworking: Feeling compelled to stay busy or productive at all times because your worth was tied to achievement growing up.

• Self-silencing: Holding back opinions or emotions because you learned it's safer not to

"rock the boat."

• Emotional numbing: Distracting yourself with food, scrolling, or work when uncomfortable feelings arise because you were never shown how to process emotions.

• Perfectionism: Believing mistakes are unacceptable because you received love and praise only when you performed flawlessly.

And here’s how self-attunement can interrupt and re-pattern those unconscious conditionings so they no longer run the show:

1. People-pleasing

Unconscious conditioning: Saying “yes” automatically to avoid disapproval.

How self-attunement helps: By noticing the quick “yes” impulse in your body (tight chest, shallow breath, slight anxiety), you pause long enough to ask, “Do I truly want this?”

That pause opens the door to honest, boundary-aligned choices.

2. Conflict avoidance

Unconscious conditioning: Avoiding tension because conflict felt unsafe in the past.

How self-attunement helps: You become aware of the urge to withdraw and track the sensations, racing heart, clenched stomach,-without immediately shutting down.

This allows you to stay present in the conversation rather than escape.

3. Overworking

Unconscious conditioning: Equating worth with constant productivity.

How self-attunement helps: By tuning into fatigue cues (heavy eyes, mental fog, irritability), you can recognize when your body needs rest and give yourself permission to stop without guilt.

4. Self-silencing

Unconscious conditioning: Staying quiet to avoid upsetting others.

How self-attunement helps: You notice the lump in your throat or tension in your jaw as a signal that you have something to express. That awareness helps you find your voice and speak up.

5. Emotional numbing

Unconscious conditioning: Avoiding feelings through distraction.

How self-attunement helps: You gently notice the urge to scroll or snack and check in: “What am I feeling right now?”

This builds tolerance for uncomfortable emotions and lets you respond instead of avoid.

6. Perfectionism

Unconscious conditioning: Believing mistakes mean you’re unworthy.

How self-attunement helps: You catch the inner critic ramping up—tight shoulders, self-judging thoughts—and offer yourself compassion. This breaks the cycle of unrealistic self-demands.